By Liana Jacob
MEET the inspiring woman who hid her body in shame after enduring years of sexual abuse and now posts nude pictures on social media to celebrate her body.
When Suzie Larson (25), from Georgia, USA, was just 13-years-old, a family member tried to touch her, talked ‘graphically’ about her body and later tried to rape her.
Over the next six years, she was raped by three different men which resulted in her self-esteem downfall that caused her to develop an eating disorder and experience suicidal thoughts from the age of 15. At her lowest point, she weighed 7st 8Ibs.
It wasn’t until 2015, when her hair began falling out due to her eating disorder, that Suzie decided to cut it off and has since embraced her healthy 9st 4Ibs body in a positive light, partly thanks to her husband, Samuel, who she married in 2014.
“My family member tried to touch me and talked openly and graphically about my body, from a young age,” Suzie said.
“He later threatened to rape me, at which point I feared for my safety. I kept quiet to protect our family because I didn’t want to be responsible for tearing my family apart.
“I was terrified I had done something wrong. That I was at fault.
“A year later, another man assaulted me, where he said he wanted to have a conversation with me in the parking lot.
“When he lured me into his truck, I was confused. He forced me to perform oral sex on him. It was extremely traumatic, and I ended up quitting my job later in the year.
“I was then pursued by one of his male friends. Who groomed me; he intoxicated me, coerced me into non-consensual sex, and told me it didn’t matter what I wanted.
“I would go on to say, yell, and scream ‘no’ at him, but it never mattered. He used me.
“When my parents told me to break it off, he wouldn’t let me. So, I was stuck. I was afraid, and I learned to hate myself.
“I suffered with (and still struggle with) severe depression and so I often wouldn’t take my makeup off for days.
“I also wore long sleeves and sweaters for many of those years because it helped with my below-normal body temperature and prevented me from becoming hypothermic.
“For years I was completely self-destructive. I had an absolutely horrible relationship with my body. I saw it as the enemy.
“I wanted to die because of what they did to me, the things they made me feel about myself; that I was cheap, dirty, worthless.
“The emotional effects of the abuse have outlasted the physical effects. It has taken me until this past year to be able to smile at my body, actually smile, and say kind things to my skin.”
The pain she felt throughout the abuse made it difficult for her to accept her body, but she credits a big part of her recovery to her husband who was a significant aid in her healing.
“My husband has been my number one supporter in my recovery. He helped rescue me from my abuse and has always told me to do what I feel is best for me,” Suzie said.
“He was very patient and gentle with me, even though I had a lot of sensory issues (afraid of being touched, etc.). We were able to form a bond and he was the first person I ever truly trusted outside of my brothers.
“Recovery started from just getting help from my eating disorder. I wasn’t eating; I needed to take care of my body because I was developing a lot of issues from my ED.
“My hair was coming out; my joints have lost their cartilage. My teeth were breaking. I was having massive migraines and huge amounts of nerve pain.
“So, I quit work and told my doctors about everything. They helped me start to re-feed. I had a lot of swelling at first. My stomach shrunk so I couldn’t eat a lot at once.
“I journaled a lot, buying new clothes was scary; going up in sizes. For an anorexic any change is scary.
“I began therapy and started learning words for my abuse. It hurt because I’d kept it in my whole life, then suddenly everything was inside out.
“I began feeling stronger, I decided to come out to family and friends about my abuse. It was a very hard decision because I didn’t know how everyone would react, but I wanted them to know the real me.
“From there I think I began to have the confidence to reclaim my body. Showing my body, whether nude or clothed, is a way of releasing it from the pain and shame.
“I believe women deserve to be able to feel worthy, beautiful, strong, and loved. No matter what size you are, you deserve to love your body exactly how it is. Embracing the little imperfections as parts of yourself is something that makes you uniquely you.
“I also believe women are more powerful than we think. We must feed ourselves healthy thoughts; reminding ourselves that we are queens, we can accomplish anything, and we do deserve love.
“I want to remind women that rather than feeling alone and turning suicidal like I was for so long, they can look outward and find an entire community of survivors who are ready to listen.”
For more information visit: https://www.instagram.com/suziethesurvivor/
