By Rebecca Drew
THIS MUM let her adorable two-year-old son choose to wear a dress on her wedding day after he refused a suit and a kilt, saying that her children are âfree to be who they want to beâ, but people have questioned why he wears dresses if he is a boy, but she says she is âguided by himâ.
Gentle sleep consultant and mum of three, Joanna Minuzzo (39) originally from Scotland, UK, but now living in Cairns, Queensland, Australia, practices gentle parenting with her three children, Miss H (7), Miss M (6) and Master S (2) where she respects their personalities and choices to express who they are.
Joanna says that this method of parenting has brought her closer to her children, they arenât afraid of showing emotions or interpreting those of others and they know that they can come to her with their problems without fear of judgment.
In January this year, Joannaâs son, who loves Minnie Mouse, came to her wanting to wear his sisterâs dress with the cartoon characterâs face on. Initially Joanna told him ânoâ as itâs not socially acceptable for boys to wear dresses, but afterwards she asked herself why he couldnât wear one as she could see how happy wearing a dress made him.
On May 11, 2019, Joanna got married to her husband, Najee (31) and on the day their son had a choice of three outfits to wear, including a suit and a kilt from Scotland, but he refused to wear them, falling in love with his sisterâs dresses instead. A week before the big day, Joanna borrowed a beautiful blue dress from a friend and her son was over the moon.
Heart-warming pictures from Joannaâs wedding day show Najee helping their son get into his dress and their family sharing the love and enjoying their day together. When Joanna first saw her wedding pictures of the males getting ready, she was overcome with emotion and was humbled with how her husband embraced their sonâs outfit choice.
Despite this, Joanna has had people question why she lets her son wear clothing that is stereotypically aimed at girls and has had people tell her that in doing so she might âmake him gay,â something Joanna says is completely ridiculous and says that there might be a day where he no longer wants to wear girlsâ clothes and she will let him guide her.
âI am raising children who feel secure enough in themselves to be true to who they really are. To be kind and inclusive to others too. We have a generation of adults who are too afraid of being themselves because of the fear of being judged. I want my children to know that the only personâs opinion of them that matters is their own,â said Joanna.
âMy children trust me, they can come to me when they have problems and they know I wonât judge them. My seven-year-old has amazing emotional literacy and Iâm so so proud of that.
âThe first time my son wanted to wear a dress, part of me wanted to tell him he couldnât wear it, but I stopped and asked myself why. Thereâs no reason why he canât. He is just a normal little boy who likes pretty clothes. It started as a like for Minnie Mouse but itâs extended from there.
âTo start with I told him no because boys donât wear dresses. Then I thought why not? Why canât he wear it? Who makes these rules? Who is he hurting? He is happy, why am I fighting it? Donât sweat the small stuff.
âFrom there Iâve held onto that. In the grand scheme of things, itâs only a toddler in a dress, a happy toddler at that! He looks so cute in a dress too! Why am I fighting him and insisting he dress in bland clothing?
âOur son had three outfits for our wedding. I ordered a kilt months before from Scotland and had this vision of him wearing his kilt and waiting with his dad at the altar. He took one look at it and wouldn’t even try it on. I tried to put it on him over the course of a few weeks but he didn’t want to wear it. He was getting upset every time I brought it out.
âThen his dad bought a suit that matched his. Again, we took it out and tried to get him to wear it and he wasnât happy about it. I couldnât even force him to try it on, nor would I want to. My daughtersâ dresses arrived and I knew that I would probably have to buy one similar to match.
âI waited until about the week before the wedding and my friend loaned me her daughterâs blue dress. We showed it to him and he was so happy. He loved it! There was no going back. We brought the suit to the island and took it out for him to wear but he didnât want to wear it. We kept the dress hidden from him and only brought it out when we knew he wouldnât wear his suit.
âIt was the most beautiful day, a really small wedding and I would not have had it any other way.
âIt gave me chills to see the photographs of my husband helping our son get ready and cemented exactly why I fell in love with him. Not many men would do that. He put the happiness of his son above everything else, he is an amazing dad, step dad and role model. The photo reflected a truly beautiful moment between father and son.
âI donât have a massive Instagram following so I haven’t had any negative reactions on there. I have had a few questions of, âwhy is he wearing a dress if he is a boy?â or, before the wedding people asked if I was afraid of what he will say when heâs older, or someone said I was going to make him gay or something along those lines which is ridiculous.â
Joanna hopes that by allowing her children to follow their hearts and be their true selves, they will grow up to be more socially aware through not having the traditional gender stereotypes ingrained in them, the pressures of which can become toxic.
âWhen my oldest daughter was born, she had a teddy that was dressed in a tutu and we called it Brian. We also bought this book called My Princess Boy by author Cheryl Kilodavis which we have read to all the children. If the only things I teach my children are to be kind and accepting of others then I think Iâve done a good job,â said Joanna.
âI don’t want my children thinking they have to conform to stereotypes that don’t serve them. I canât stand it when people tell my girls to be lady like. What the hell is that anyway? Who makes these rules and why are there different to rules for men?
âEqually I canât stand it if I hear, âboys donât cry.â That really grinds my gears. We end up with men that canât express how they feel and an unequal society, itâs just toxic.
âMy son likes to wear them [dresses]. He is two, he doesn’t even know he is a boy yet or that there is a difference between him and his sisters. Itâs not complicated, I don’t have to dress him in traditional boysâ clothes just because thatâs the norm and acceptable.
âThere may come a time soon when he doesnât want to wear a dress or girlsâ clothes. I will be guided by him.
âI donât really see it as a big deal or anything inspirational. I am just letting my son choose what he wants to wear and Iâm being respectful of that. Obviously, he has boundaries in terms of practicality but thatâs it.
âIâm not doing anything revolutionary or new, I am being respectful of my children’s choices. Itâs not harming anyone, itâs not that big a deal to allow your children that little bit of autonomy.
âHe may grow out of it, he may not. Either way it doesnât really matter, what matters is he is happy, he is healthy and he is kind. The fact that we are having this discussion shows us that as a society, we have a long way to go in terms of accepting peopleâs individuality.
âLR Knost sums this up beautifully when she said, âIt’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.ââ
