By Liana Jacob
MEET THE woman who brought together two of her exes to create a POLYAMOROUS THROUPLE and says that her relationship with them improved when they all got together.
Tattoo artist, Ali Jones (29) from Cape Town, South Africa, was good friends with refrigeration technician, Damian Grundy (30) until one night when they were at a club, they had their first kiss and quickly fell in love.
Already a mum of a little girl, Morgan (10), from a previous relationship, as well as sharing custody of her daughter with her dad, Ali felt that Damian was also a good father-figure for her. Two years later, Damian proposed to her and they got married in 2013 with their nearest and dearest around them.
They had both tried for a baby but Ali miscarried twice before she gave birth to their son, Tziyon-Moon (4), in October 2014. Over the next two years Ali felt intense pressure over being a young mum; striving to know who she was as a person and as an independent woman, which affected their relationship and her insecurities meant that their relationship started to suffer in 2016 until they separated and got divorced in 2017.
Shortly after they split up, Ali met another man, entrepreneur, Matty Ruchton (26) who she hit it off with and they fell in love quickly, despite leaving her ex-husband, Damian, unhappy with the way she moved on.
While they were not together, their marriage ended so amicably, that they continued to be friends and Ali encouraged Damian and Matty to meet each other as she felt they would get on. Over time, she felt she would compare her two relationships with each other and felt like her heart was split between the two, which negatively affected her relationship with Matty.
After feeling like her heart was in a constant ‘tug of war’ between the two men, her relationship with Matty ended after two years and she travelled to Europe. In that time, Matty and Damian had become extremely close, while bonding experiences and shared love of Ali, as well as having a lot in common.
When she got back, they got back together and reminisced about the old days, then joked about having a threesome. They ended up having a threesome, which felt so natural like they had always been a trio, despite Ali thinking it would be a one time thing, Matty and Damian both brought it up and they all decided to try being in a polyamorous triad.
They have been together ever since, and they have felt stronger together than separately and her two children have become adapted to their new family.
“Damian and I fell in love nine years ago, we had been acquaintances for a few years during high school as we had the same friend circles, but the magic happened one night while we were each out on the town,” Ali said.
“We shared our first kiss, Damian slept over that night and never left; it was love at first sight and he told me he loved me after five days.
“I already had a daughter from a previous relationship when we met, she was just over a year when Damian came into our lives.
“After two years Damian proposed and in 2013, we got married in front of thirty of our closest friends and family. Then two miscarriages later we fell pregnant again with our son in October 2014.
“Closer towards the end of 2016 our relationship started to suffer, for the most part because I was unhappy with myself, still trying to find my path due to the after-effects of having my first child so young, I was a mum at nineteen.
“My relationship began to suffer due to my lack of self-worth. Very shortly after the end of our marriage, I met Matty. Who came in like a sparkling knight in shining armour.
“The way he made me feel and act was different to what Damian gave me. We also fell in love extremely quickly, he was exactly what I needed in my life.
“He also took on my kids as his own and loved them instantly. Obviously at first Damian wasn’t happy and was hurt that I had moved on so quickly.
“But the incredibly strong individual he is, and with the love he has for me, after a good while we all became friendly and we would all hang occasionally.
“I had always said that if they ever got to know each other they would be great friends. A big problem with how I was feeling; I was always comparing my relationship with Matty to that of my relationship with Damian.
“Obviously having been with someone for so long you get used to life that way and obviously life was different with Matty, still equally beautiful but different.
“At the same time, I knew there was a part of me that wasn’t there with Damian. My heart was in constant tug of war between these two men I so clearly loved.
“Fast forward about two years and Matty and I had broken up. I decided to go to Europe to kickstart my career and make some money.
“During that time Damian and Matty became extremely close, bonding over experiences and sharing and healing, I suppose.
“They had even apparently made a joke about the three of us being together. They became the truest, best friends, so similar and so different, equally such beautiful souls.”
The joke became a reality once Ali arrived back from her trip to Europe and they ended up together.
“When I came back three months later the three of us decided to have an evening of catching up. Never in my wildest dreams did I think this night would change all our lives,” she said.
“We had some drinks, spoke about and shared our stories and experiences over the past few months, we each gained a lot of perspective, understanding, appreciation and healing that night.
“The day went on and we all started joking about a threesome – joking, joking, joking – until no one knew if we were joking anymore and then it happened, the most profound sharing of all our lives.
“It was so completely natural, like we had always just been that way. A complete sharing of the most rare and beautiful unconditional love.
“When it ended, I thought it would always just be one magical night, but then the guys brought to the table that we could try this out, see if it works. It took some convincing, but I agreed to give it a try on condition that it doesn’t hurt anyone.
“The more time we spent together, the better and better things became. I mean for the most part we all hang out as best friends, but the intimacy we all share together as well as myself with Matty and Damian individually is so incredibly special.
“We are in a closed polyamorous relationship between the three of us. Which means that there are more than two people in our relationship, but it is not ‘open’ to sharing intimately or emotionally with other people outside of our triad.
“We all just balance each other out really well. We all add such different things to each other’s lives, so what I get from Damian I may not get from Matty and vice versa.
“The understanding and healing we have all gained through the experiences we have had on our journey together have set the most solid foundation to start a relationship on. There is literally nothing we can’t get through together.
“Our children are two happy, well adapted little humans. They are and always have been, no matter the situation, surrounded by the highest most unconditional love.
“Polyamory is not about being sexually promiscuous. Though we share with each other sexually it is based on connection and the ultimate unconditional love.
“There are so many types of poly relationships. What we are doing is redefining what is seen as normal constructs of a relationship. Redefining what we were taught love is meant to be.
“Loving more than one person does not make the love you feel for one any less, as when you have a second child, your love multiplies.
“People will always judge, no matter what you do or who you are. We are happy, our children are happy. We love each other. Need there anything more?”