By Rebecca Drew
THIS MAN has been free from his porn addiction for eleven-years after becoming hooked when he accidentally read a pornographic comic when he was just EIGHT-YEARS-OLD and at the height of his addiction spent almost EIGHTY-POUNDS a day on live cam sites.
CEO of Elevated Recovery and PornReboot, Jamike ‘J.K’ Emezi (34) from Wichita, Kansas, USA, was just eight-years-old when he first stumbled across his nanny’s adult graphic novels thinking it was the same as the action adventure comic books he loved to read. The comic he picked up featured a sex scene that left J.K on a high.
By the time J.K was 14, he was a “full-blown porn addict”, by which time he had learnt how to masturbate and found masturbation and orgasms more thrilling when he was looking at sexual images. J.K’s addiction to porn began to affect his school life and he’d isolate himself as he struggled with social anxiety and fantasised about his teachers and classmates as if they were the porn stars he watched each night.
At 17, J.K had developed Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) and couldn’t masturbate or orgasm without porn. Over the next few years, J.K barely slept as all he could think about was porn. His relationships with women were affected as he was only interested in females who were ‘perfect’ like those in porn and lost his virginity at 21.
However, J.K’s porn addiction came to a head at 22, during a time where he had been spending £79 (100 USD) a night on live cam sessions for over a year and was masturbating up to five times a day. After binging on porn, he looked for an anonymous hook-up online but instead of no-strings sex, he was attacked. J.K drove off, fearing for his life and when he got home he deleted all the porn he had saved.
J.K tried everything to beat his addiction from meditation and therapists to books and therapy groups but he found that he would relapse so decided to develop his own techniques, and joined a sales internship, the gym and found an accountability partner – he has now been porn free for 11 years.
“I was eight-years-old when I peeked under the bed of my nanny. I loved comic books and earlier in the day, while I was watching cartoons, I had seen her reading what I thought was a comic book. Later, I asked to read the comic book too and she said it was ‘not for me’,” said J.K.
“I promptly waited for her to leave the house, then sneaked into her room in my quest to find this comic book which I presumed would be filled with adventures to spark my imaginative mind.
“I found it under her bed. What I saw within the pages of that comic book changed me forever. Illustrated in the very same style of many of the comics I loved was an extremely lewd scene. The plot was a son bringing his wife to be back home to meet his father.
“All the father could think of was how sexy she looked and what good taste his son had in women. I remember the ogling eyes, the exaggerated salivating and the overall lascivious look of the father. His daughter-in-law’s body was of course, exaggerated as well.
“I don’t remember if I had an erection, but I do remember that an incredible energy rushed through my body. I now know that it was one of the first chemical highs I experienced. Every day after that, I would sneak back into the nanny’s room to get that explicit, taboo feeling.
“My young mind was never the same after that. By the age of 14, I was a full-blown porn addict. I kept chasing and trying to replicate this ‘adrenaline’ high by looking for images of naked people where ever I could.
“At the age of 14, I learned how to masturbate. Once I discovered that I could do much more with sexual images and that many more pleasurable chemicals were released when I experienced orgasm, I was hooked.
“The three biggest impacts these had on my life were shame, social anxiety and low self esteem. Each of these stunted my development as a healthy adolescent.
“My porn addiction increasingly led to isolation at school. I frequently fantasised about teachers and other classmates- replacing them in my fantasy with porn stars I would watch.
“This made it challenging to communicate with them in person as I felt guilty for what I did. I constantly sexualised them and felt that they would catch me ogling them instead of focusing on school work.
“Other boys spoke about porn and masturbation, but I felt that their experience was different from mine simple because I thought about it all the time. While they spoke about being excited to go home and play video games, I was excited to get home before my parents did and watch as much porn as I could.
“Finally, at the age of 17 I developed what is now known as PIED where I could only masturbate and orgasm to pornography.”
J.K went on to discuss how his addiction to porn warped his perception of women and recounted the event that inspired him to beat his addiction.
“Porn definitely had a negative impact on my relationship with women. I developed social anxiety in my teens and I can only remember one instance where I spoke to a woman in a non-platonic way up until I was 21 years old,” he said.
“I lost my virginity at 21 to an exchange student in college who for some reason was excited at the fact that I was a virgin and practically guided me through the entire process. Over the years, due to my inability to get dates due to social anxiety and my PIED, I developed depression and a belief that I was persecuted.
“I would borrow money from my mother, open multiple credit cards and I eventually even spent a good portion of a student loan on my live cam habit.
“Late one evening, when I was drinking and binging on cam sites, I decided to search for anonymous sex online. I had done this in the past during porn sessions, but this time I was determined to have sex.
“I ended up responding to an ad which stated that ‘she’ was a babysitter and the parents who had entrusted her with their kids wouldn’t be back for a few hours. She was looking for men who wanted to get blowjobs and perhaps sex at the back yard of the house.
“I sent her a picture of a penis, which was actually a random penis I downloaded off the internet, and she invited me over.
“Unfortunately, it turned out not to be what I thought it was. While parked behind this house desperately texting this person, someone smashed the driver’s side window of my car. Startled, I instinctively pressed down on the accelerator and drove through someone’s yard to another street.
“I remember driving home, shattered glass all over me, hand shaking and adrenaline pumping through me thinking how stupid I was and how I could have been killed. I came home, cleared my browsing history and deleted every last bit of porn on my computer.”
J.K says his confidence has increased drastically since overcoming his addiction and has had a few meaningful relationships with women which he has been able to enjoy without feeling guilty over, unlike when he was using porn.
“I first started with using a rubber band to recondition my mind. Whenever I found myself objectifying and sexualising a woman, I would snap the rubber band and remind myself that I was becoming a different man,” he said.
“I became obsessed with working out and instead of spending my evenings alone at home, I would go to the gym and work out till I was exhausted. The endorphins from my workout made me feel much better and the workouts required that I eat a healthier diet.
“I also started trying to get in touch with my feelings again. Every morning I would start the day with writing out my feelings in a journal. I found that years of porn use had destroyed my empathy. This was very helpful because over the next few months as my emotions thawed out I began to see women more as human beings and less like objects for my sexual pleasure.
“I’m free of PIED and I’m able to have sex without bringing up scenes from pornography. I’m healthier mentally and physically. I’m more confident than I have ever been. Shortly after my second year off porn, I started a sales training company and grew it into the largest international student internship program in the United States over a period over six years.
“The confidence which came from running my own business made it easier to speak to women and in the process I’ve had a few wonderful relationships. The amazing part is that I regret none of them.
“I stopped looking for women for relationships based solely on how they looked. I would also spend time getting to know them and their personality. These days I’m turned on by a combination of a woman’s personality, looks and lifestyle which is much healthier than my previous life.
“I am also no longer critical of a woman’s body. Porn made me feel that every woman should be ‘perfect’ physically. Beating porn addiction made me realise that there is nothing like ‘perfection’.
“Women come in so many varieties and this is exactly what makes them beautiful. It’s very refreshing to find a new, but realistic way to approach the physical aspect of a women and it is a big part of my recovery program with clients.”
J.K has been sharing his amazing recovery and inspiring others to get help through his company, Elevated Recovery.
“Anyone who finds themselves in a position where their porn use is out of control should seek professional help. A trained professional can provide you with the guidance you need, prepare you for withdrawal symptoms and help you plan a life where healthy habits replace porn.
“My company Elevated Recovery provides discreet recovery coaching, referrals to counsellors and treatment centres as well as online group coaching which you can participate in from the comfort of your home.
“Accept the fact that you have a problem and speak to someone about it. Moving out of the darkness of secrecy and into the light of accountability destroys your shame and sets you down the path of recovery.”