By Rebecca Drew
THESE MARRIED men have been happily together for over a DECADE but invited a man they met on TINDER to join their relationship to form a closed triad and say that traditional monogamy is not the only option out there.
Customer care manager, Edson S (39) met his husband, English teacher, Emerson M (46) whilst they were both living in Madrid for work in 2008 after both having worked in London for several years previously, the pair fell helplessly in love and were married two years later.
Over the course of their relationship, Edson and Emerson had discussed the possibility of polyamory but didn’t think it would be for them.
However, in October 2017, things changed for the couple after they met their now partner, research editor, Sebastian M (31), on Tinder. After a few weeks of exchanging messages, the three had their first date at an Italian restaurant in Barcelona, Spain, where they now live and instantly clicked, bonding over their shared love for yoga.
At the time, Sebastian was living in Copenhagen, so it didn’t cross anyone’s minds that their feelings would run deeper but the distance showed that Edson and Emerson’s feelings for Sebastian were much more than just sexual. After discussing how they felt about him together, Edson and Emerson asked Sebastian to join their relationship in December last year and they formed a closed triad, meaning that they don’t have sex with anyone else outside of their three-way relationship.
Some people criticise their relationship and wrongly assume that Edson and Emerson were having problems in their marriage before meeting Sebastian or question Sebastian as to why he would want to get involved in their marriage, but they insist that their relationship is just the same as any monogamous one, just with an extra person to share the love and attention with.
“Emerson and I had never considered polyamory until Seb appeared. We had conversations about the possibility of it happening but we never expected it to happen to us as we always had a closed relationship,” said Edson.
“We fell deeply in love with each other. We don’t see ourselves without the third. Our lives have changed completely, and we realised that it’s possible to love more than one person at the same time.
“None of us had ever been in a triad and Seb had never done a threesome before. Emerson and I had met a few people together, but there were never feelings involved. With Seb it was totally different.
“There was no sex chat on Tinder before meeting up, we arranged to go for dinner at an Italian restaurant when Seb was visiting Barcelona with a friend. Seb was living in Copenhagen at the time, so it did not even cross our minds that we could fall in love, let alone that he would eventually move to Barcelona so that we could have a relationship.
“The first months were very tough because of the distance. We recognised that this was deeper than sex in December last year and Em and I had a talk about it before telling Seb that we had feelings for him and things progressed slowly until we all felt more secure about the whole thing.”
It doesn’t matter that Edson and Emerson had been together for 10-years before meeting Sebastian, the three all view each other as equals and whenever a disagreement arises, they talk through their worries to make things work for everyone.
“We are all equals. Edson and I had a ten-year relationship before meeting Seb but Seb has the same power of decision as we do. The triad is newer than the couple before but it’s not less important because of that,” continued Emerson.
“We all decide by voting and trying to accommodate what the others like or dislike. We have a closed relationship which basically means that we do not have sex with anyone else. We sometimes have sex without the third one, like when one is away travelling but we always try to be together.
“If anyone needs more attention or is feeling down, he speaks up and the others make the necessary adjustments. When we have disagreements, if they are between two, the third tries to mediate, which can be quite helpful. Otherwise, we just talk things through.
“No one takes sides, we try to keep it simple and fair. There are a lot of emotions involved, so we are always patient with each other and remind ourselves of what makes us happy and move on. Honest communication is really important. Compromises are required obviously, and we normally make them.”
The three set up their Instagram page, @gayogatriad, a few months ago in order to share their love with the world and to also connect with others in closed polyamorous relationships. The men would like to show people that monogamy, although it might work for some couples, isn’t the only option out there.
“People are very opinionated about our relationship, even the ones that have no experience of being in a triad nor even had successful relationships. People often think that it’s all about sex and it’s not really, obviously there is sex involved because we are in a relationship, but it’s not the only thing that we have,” said Sebastian.
“We care deeply for each other like any couple would do. But here, one gets attention from two instead of one so that is a bonus. There are many people that do approve and are very supportive even though they could not do it themselves.
“Love is love and amongst consenting adults, there is no right or wrong. We are not harming anyone by choosing to live in a triad, so we should be allowed to love each other and marry each other if we want to.
“Monogamy is not the only choice out there and clearly it doesn’t work for a lot of people given the divorce rates, cheating and so on. This works for us but it doesn’t mean we want more people to try it.
“Just do whatever makes you happy as long as you are not harming anyone, period.”
For more information see www.instagram.com/gayogatriad