By Rebecca Drew
THIS sex-positive husband and wife are in a MONOGAMISH relationship after feeling restricted by society’s rigid rules about marriage and partake in naturism.
Clayton and Danielle Watson (38 and 34 respectively) from Salt Lake City, Utah, USA, grew up in very conservative Mormon families and met at university when they were 22 and 18. The couple fell in love and dated for a year before they were married and the pair have only ever been with each other but were not virgins on their wedding day which was a disappointment for their families.
It wasn’t until after Clayton and Danielle were married that they realised that a traditional monogamous relationship came with a bunch of standards, rules and expectations that society has dictated that they were not comfortable conforming to. With this, they decided to explore being monogamish which allowed them to set their own rules and boundaries to suit them.
Whilst for some this might involve polyamory or swinging, it doesn’t for Clayton and Danielle – instead they identify as monogamish through naturism, being sex positive, putting on shows in sex clubs, having sex in the same room as others, flirting with other couples and sharing sexy pictures.
Clayton and Danielle started their blog, Fight Boring Marriages, to inspire and educate others about their lifestyle and to encourage couples to keep the spark in their marriage. Nature lovers, the duo also share their adventures on Instagram.
“We met at Utah Valley University. I was 22 and Danielle was 18 when we met. We dated for exactly one year before getting married,” said Clayton.
“In Mormonism, marrying as virgins is a very big deal. Even though we have only been with each other, we were not virgins when we got married which was a major disappointment for our families.
“A Monogamous relationship comes with a set of standards and rules that you are expected to follow. These standards have been set by society and religion and not the actual couple in the relationship.
“When we got married, we were assigned the type of relationship we were expected to live. Anything outside of that was to be considered shameful, embarrassing, or failure. Being monogamish allows you to set every rule for your marriage.
“For us, it is not polyamory or swinging, although it might be that for other people. Most of the time our relationship is totally monogamous but we have also created a space that allows us to step out of the norm to further explore anything we want.
“The boundaries are yours whatever that might be.
“Being in a monogamous relationship really does not promote communication when it comes to the shadows of our sexuality. Too many of us believe that anything outside of what society deems is acceptable should not even be talked about even with your partner.
“Being monogamish requires that you are open with your partner about every fear and fantasy that you have ever had. It gives you a place that both partners can be open.
“In fact, it forces you to have good communication. If you feel something will be positive for your relationship, you get to do it without carrying any shame, fears, or worry you are doing something that will hurt your partner.”
Being monogamish means being mostly monogamous, with those who identify as monogamish being committed to one person but are open to explore other experiences outside of what is perceived as a traditional monogamous relationship.
Clayton and Danielle have been together for 16-years, they plan to carry on with their website for another couple of years after being surprised by the positive reactions they received. Clayton described the premise behind it and spoke about how they deal with any jealousy that might arise within their relationship.
“We know a lot of people that are in what we call roommate relationships. The relationship is held together by work commitments, job commitments, family commitments, and a fear of leaving. Just like a roommate, you put up with them so you can split some of your responsibilities,” he said.
“The marriage itself is extremely mundane and boring. It has lost all of its passion and excitement. Sex is normally non-existent. We all know these people. They surround us in every neighbourhood. This is what life does to a relationship unless you fight back.
“You don’t luck into a great relationship. You create it. The site is about our past and current fights in keeping our marriage exciting and fun. We also wanted to give others a space that they can write about what they are doing.
“Right now, our plans are to have fun with the site for a couple more years and then revaluate from there how we want to move forward. We were nervous on how the site would be accepted and have been blown away by the positive feedback and growth.
“We feel if it continues this way and it does not interfere with our family time, we will just keep doing it.
“With our very conservative upbringing, jealousy is a very normal reaction to have. We have had many experiences that brought up those feelings.
“Honestly, we expect there will always be jealousy, fear, and anxious feelings that will arise. Instead of focusing on the negative feelings themselves, we now focus on why we had that feeling. Many times it is for something outside of what you expect.
“If we feel repeating that same experience might cause more jealousy, we simply stop doing it for the time being. We can always try again sometime in the future when we have worked out all of the jealousy feelings.
“Some things that are wrong for your marriage right now might be right for it in ten years.”
Clayton and Danielle receive positive reactions from others about their relationship, with many people curious about how it works.
“Normally, there are positive reactions, but we do not fly a flag outside of our door proclaiming we are monogamish. Nor does it come up during Thanksgiving dinner with the family,” added Danielle.
“Most people are curious about it because so many of us do not fit the monogamy mould perfectly nor do we fit a lifestyle mould. It is definitely a normal thing for people to have thought about.
“Human sexuality is a complex thing and when people see you open up about your relationship, they almost always feel like they can share theirs with you.
“Our friends range from polyamorous to monogamous and we all get together perfectly. If you give respect, you normally get respect. We do not have time for friends or family that are unwilling to love us for who we are.”
Finally, Clayton shared his words of advice to others who are looking to explore being monogamish.
“Our message would be to take control of your relationship and stop allowing outside influences to tell you what is right for you and your partner,” he said.
“We are not all the same so how can we expect that everyone’s relationships should be the same? Do not be afraid to be yourself especially with the person you love the most.
“If someone was interested in becoming monogamish, we would advise them to start with communication. You must become extremely vulnerable with each other and express not only your fantasies but also all of your fears and insecurities are worth worrying about.
“They all must be on the table. If you are unable to become vulnerable with your partner, you should not put yourself in an actual vulnerable position with others. Your partner will let you know which fears and insecurities are valid worries.
“Each person then needs to set their own boundaries. If one person’s boundaries are set much higher than their partner is willing to go, the more timid partner always wins. Look at your partner’s boundaries as a new trust pact you are making with them.
“You never surpass the boundary in the moment even if you are both having fun. Keeping boundaries will show your partner that no matter what happens, you will respect them by keeping your commitment. do not break your partners trust.
“After you have a positive or negative experience, revaluate your boundaries in a safe place. This is where you can talk about expanding or retracting your boundaries. Boundaries in a monogamish relationship are always evolving and changing.
“You have your whole lives together, so there is no need to rush past a boundary for five minutes of pleasure.
“Finally, have fun. If it is not enhancing the relationship, don’t do it. The goal should just be to have a positive experience for both people or why do it.”
For more information see http://fightboringmarriages.com/