By Rebecca Drew
THIS STUNNING young woman has revealed how learning to accept her lifelong disability has helped silence her toxic and suicidal thoughts, shaping her into the confident girl she is today after having her right hand amputated at birth.
Due to complications in the womb, Molly Higgins (23) from Los Angeles, California, USA, had her right hand amputated after she was born and her left hand was severely damaged. From day one, she learnt to put walls up to protect herself from the reactions of others and has been on a mission to show people she is worth more than being identified as âdisabledâ or âdifferentâ.
As a child, Molly struggled with what other people thought of her and still gets stared at in the street today but she says the only person who has stopped herself from doing anything in the past was herself and her own toxic thoughts; something she said she is fighting against.
âI havenât known life any other way. From the beginning I had to learn how to do everything differently – there was no one else to look to for guidance, or to teach me, which made me fiercely independent and headstrong. Each new experience was uncharted, uncertain waters which I had to traverse on my own,â said Molly.
âI also learned how to put up boundaries, walls and shields to protect myself. Donât look vulnerable. Donât look like youâre struggling. Donât let them know youâre hurting. Keep your guard up and make sure everyone thinks that you are fine, because you need to prove yourself, your strength, and your worth. And thatâs the way Iâve lived for most of my life.
âIâve always felt the need to go above and beyond to prove to others that I am âjust like everyone elseâ. I donât feel like âthat girl with one handâ, but yet thatâs how I am perceived to many.
âI often wonder how much of my personality has come about because of my struggles and need to prove my identity as something other than âdifferentâ or âdisabledâ. I am extremely outgoing and can be pretty ridiculous and unashamed for a laugh. I am always the girl thatâs down for anything and up for a wild party.
âI was given a world that saw me as a disabled, visually different girl – and said a firm no, we canât find a spot for you here. So, I became a loud, resounding yes.
âI have learnt to have a tough skin, I have learned that others opinions donât really matter in the long run. I have overcome so many challenges. However, I think most often our biggest struggles are the ones we put on ourselves.
âYes, people judge me. Yes, people stare at me. Yes, people doubt my ability. But those people arenât really stopping me from what I want. Anything I havenât done was because of myself.
âMy own fears and insecurities which have held me back from experiencing so much life. Which is why I want to fight back against those toxic thoughts and behaviours that tell me that Iâm not good enough, not worthy enough, or that someone like me shouldnât do what I want to do.
âFor maybe the first time in my life, Iâm starting to think that I deserve happiness and fulfilment too – even if the way I can work towards it looks a bit different.â
For Molly, confidence doesnât come as second nature and she said that she still has her doubts and insecurities on a daily basis but said that sharing her struggles on Instagram has helped her grow.
âSometimes you have to fake it until you make it and showcasing myself and my struggles is an important part of getting closer to the confidence I wish I had,â she added.
âIt got to a point where I was just so tired of other peopleâs perceptions of me weighing me down constantly. There was not a single moment of any day where I wasnât totally aware of my difference.
âThoughts of othersâ judgements held me in a grip of fear and shame that I couldnât get out from under. I just wanted to hide constantly, and more than anything I wanted to be anyone else that wasnât me.
âI was in a deep depression that I didnât and couldnât confront for the majority of my life. I was bullied, dreamt of suicide, and was really angry about the circumstances I was placed in. But I just got to the point where I was tired of hating myself. Itâs exhausting.
âI resolved that it was my life and I only have one, so why didnât I let go and ease up on myself a bit. Thatâs what motivated me to start being more open about my own struggles and journey, because I felt so alone for so long and didnât want others to feel the hopelessness and isolation I felt.
âBut staying positive can be really hard. I struggle daily with negative self-image, erratic moods, and depression. I have to constantly make sure Iâm not taking myself too seriously and remembering the fleeting nature of everything. I try to not get too worked up about inconsequential things, which can be difficult for me because Iâm an extremely passionate and excitable person.
âLife is so so short and itâs yours and yours alone, so you might as well make it a life that you want to live in.
âBeing vulnerable is the hardest thing to do but I promise itâs worth it in the end. You never know how many people could be affected by your story, because you have the ability to change lives.
âSensitivity is strength, not weakness. Be kind, always. Follow what you feel in your heart you know you best of anyone else, so listen to what she has to say. Donât be afraid to fall in love with yourself.
âBecome your own best friend. You are stuck with you forever, so start to love yourself.
âTrust your vision, trust your instinct, donât be afraid to make mistakes or sound dumb. Take risks and be kind to yourself.â
For more information see www.instagram.com/mollyahiggins